Technical Support

Just like most users of technology out there, I have spent my share of time on the phone talking to some tech support person that either didn't know what they were talking about, or talked to me like *I* didn't. It's very frustrating indeed. That, when coupled with being put on hold every two minutes, so the tech support representative can consult with their supervisor, or look up something, etc. can drive you up the wall.

However, after each such experience, when I have a chance to calm down and think about the whole "tech support" concept, I remember a stint I did as a tech support person, and I start feeling compassion for the person at the other end of the line. I can really feel for them having to put up with disgruntled users that just don't take the time to look at the documentation, or the help file, or others who quite simply should not be allowed to use computers.

It could be that I feel this way because of the time I spent a few years ago as a tech support person for a software product. Now, I have to also admit that this was a while ago when not many of the users calling had grown totally immersed in the computer "era", like most youngsters today. On the other hand, I don't want to make excuses for them. It's one thing not be intimately familiar with computers and their use, and another not to have any common sense. The best way that I could demonstrate what I'm saying may be by a couple of "real" life examples of what I'm talking about. A typical real tech support call I received at the time, presented here as it took place (with may be some additional dispersed commentary from me).

[Providing Technical Support for a Spreadsheet program]
** Answering the Phone... **
Me: XYZ Corporation, can I help you?
Caller: Yeah, I got this program from you and it doesn't work.
Me: I'll be more than happy to try and help sir, which program are we talking about? (the company I worked for made over a dozen different products)
Caller: I don't know, the one you make, I mean I got it *from you*.
Me:Yes sir. Our company makes a lot of different products. Could you tell me which one you are using?
Caller:I don't know, where would I find that information?
Me:Well, that's usually displayed in the Caption of the program's window, at the vry top.
Caller:There is nothing there. Is there another way to find out?
Me: Yes sir. If you could select Help, About, the name of the program should also be displayed there.
Caller: O.K., I checked on Help About and all I get is some information About the Windows Version.
Me: Sir, is the program running?
Caller:No, I told you it doesn't work.
Me:I see, sorry about that sir. You mean when you double-click on the program's shortcut, nothing happens?
Caller: I don't have any shortcuts.
Me: (scratching my head). So, how do you normally try to start the program?
Caller: I click on it.
Me:Click on what?
Caller: Click on the program.
Me: (Again, scratching my head). So, you start it by clicking on "Start" and then "All Programs" and you find the program that way?
Caller:No, it's right there, and I just click it.
Me:Right there, where, sir?
Caller:On my screen. I see it every time I start my computer.
Me:I see. Well that icon that you see on your screen (desktop) is the shortcut I was referring to earlier. So, you click on that and the program doesn't run?
Caller:Don't treat me like I'm ignorant, OK! I click on the little icon, and the program opens up, but then nothing happens, it just doesn't work.
Me: Well, did you try to enter some data and it didn't work? Or, did you try to open a spreadsheet file and it didn't open? Did you enter a formula and it didn't work as expected? I don't understand.
Caller:Look, I've been in high tech for many years, don't talk to me like I'm an idiot. I click the icon, the program opens and all I see is a bunch of rows and columns. The program just sits there and doesn't do anything.
Me: What did you expect the program to do sir?
Caller: I bought it because I wanted to use it to track my inventory. But how how can I do that if the program just sits there and doesn't do anything?
Me:Well, sir. This is just a spreadsheet program, and it doesn't do anything by itself. You'd have to enter your inventory and any other information and formulas you may need.
Caller:If I have to do all that, I don't want this program. Just tell me what I have to do to return it.
Me:(I really wanted to tell him he needed to return his computer - he shouldn't be allowed to use a computer, but I would have gotten fired) O.K., sir, here is the telephone number you need to call to get a Return Merchandise Authorization # (RMA). Thank you for trying our product.

This reminds me of a joke I saw on-line a couple of years ago...

General Motors doesn't have a 'help line' for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers -- but imagine if they did . . .

HELPLINE: 'General Motors Help Line, how can I help you?'
CUSTOMER: 'Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control power steering, power brakes, and power door locks.'
HELPLINE: 'Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?'
CUSTOMER: 'How do I work it?'
HELPLINE: 'Do you know how to drive?'
CUSTOMER: 'Do I know how to what?'
HELPLINE: 'Do you know how to drive?'
CUSTOMER: 'I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!'